In a recent post, I wrote that the #1 rule for grandmas is don’t give unsolicited advice. Here’s an equally important #2 rule: show respect and appreciation for your grandchild’s parents by learning their parenting methods.
This rule may seem obvious but one of the biggest misconceptions about becoming a grandma is the belief that it’s all about you and your grandchild. If you want to bond with your grandchild, you need to bond with your grandchild’s parents first. The best way to do that is to learn their parenting methods. When you express interest in understanding your children’s parenting style, you’ll demonstrate that you trust and respect them. By showing genuine curiosity, your children will appreciate your willingness to learn together and it will boost their confidence as parents.
Just like pop culture, parenting has evolved and parents are more conscious than previous generations. As grandmas, we need to be conscious and curious about the new theories and styles of childrearing that our children are embracing even when they seem different from the methods we used to raise them. Learning your children’s parenting styles may be one of the biggest challenges you’ll face as a new grandma. Today’s new parents have access to vast amounts of constantly changing information. They’re open to new ideas about childbirth, delivery, and parenting styles.
Have a Conversation
Take time to sit down with your adult children and express genuine interest in what they’ve been reading about parenting methods. If their philosophies are new to you, request some resources you can read to help you understand them. When my first granddaughter was born eighteen years ago, I watched with fascination as my daughter wrapped the baby against her body and carried her around all day. Now it’s a common sight to see babies snuggled inside a wrap against their mom’s or dad’s chest. But back then it was a new phenomenon to me. My daughter explained that she was following attachment parenting methods and gave me some information that explained the philosophy. The more I learned the more I appreciated all the hard work she was doing.
Once you’ve read the resources your children have given you make a list of open-ended questions to ask them. Imagine you’re a curious anthropologist who’s trying to understand a new culture. Express interest in why they chose their preferred parenting method and how your grandchild will benefit. The more you understand the easier it will be for you to follow their lead.
Every generation of new parents believes they can do it better than you did. Don’t take it personally. And do NOT say, “I raised you this way and you turned out fine!” Validate their progress with support and encouragement and you’ll be rewarded with many opportunities to bond with your new grandchild.