Ambivalent Feelings About the Holidays?

Do you ever feel ambivalent around the holidays? This season I felt pretty blah about the upcoming holidays. I attributed my feelings to being sick during the entire Thanksgiving week. But it turns out I’m not alone.

At our annual GaGa Sisterhood anniversary/holiday celebration last week, I asked everyone whether they felt ambivalence during the holidays. Most of the sixteen members present nodded their heads in agreement as we went around the circle sharing our feelings.

What Triggers Ambivalence?

Once again this holiday season will be impacted by the pandemic making it more complicated to plan festivities. Uncertainty can exaggerate emotions. But it’s more than the uncertainty that creates ambivalence.

Here are some of the other reasons:

• People and relationships
• Gift giving
• Pressure and stress
• Emotions and loss
• Expectations
• False beliefs and cognitive distortions

In our group circle, GaGas shared some of their stressors:

• Feeling pressured by having to shoulder all the responsibility of planning and hosting celebrations
• Not having enough space to host a large family gathering
• Wanting to create a new tradition
• Missing her husband who felt the holidays were the best time of the year
• Feeling like an outsider by her ex-husband and his new wife
• Having grandchildren who already have too many toys
• Having a newly separated adult child who is in an unhappy relationship

Several members were not ambivalent. They’ve already decorated their homes and are looking forward to all the festivities. That’s what I love about our GaGa Sisterhood — we feel comfortable sharing our joys and challenges.

Tips for Tackling Ambivalence

Whether the holiday season sends you into an emotional tailspin or ecstatic anticipation, here are some ways to handle the whole spectrum of your emotions.

• Acknowledge all your feelings. Recognize where you are this year. Reflect on the past year and redirect your focus to how you’d like to be this season. What emotions are triggered when you do this?
• Slow down and consciously take a deep breath when you start to feel anxious. Just tuning into your breathing can have an instantaneous calming effect.
• Focus on giving rather than receiving. Remember your presence is more valuable than your presents. One GaGa suggested taking home-baked cookies to the firefighters at your local fire station.
• Traditions are important for continuity, especially during stressful times. Children remember family rituals and reflect back on them when speaking about their childhood. Brainstorm with your family if you feel some of your traditions need a refresh or makeover. The Book of New Family Traditions: How to Create Great Rituals for Holidays and Everyday is an excellent resource for creating traditions all year long.
• Adjust and adapt. Ask yourself what you can and can’t control. Then follow what you learn.
• Write a letter to someone you won’t be seeing this holiday and tell them why you’ll miss them.

The holiday season can be paradoxical — exciting and disappointing, magical and miserable. Allow yourself to experience all your feelings. It’s helpful to journal about them to understand their significance. Share your feelings with a friend and you may be comforted to learn you’re not alone.

Leave a comment and let us know your feelings.