Author Judith Viorst has a gift for taking dark topics and adding an element of humor to lighten them up. In her essay, “The Rivals,” published in “Eye of My Heart: 27 writers reveal the hidden pleasures and perils of being a grandmother,” she admits to being competitive and wishes she were a better person. A poet, novelist, children’s book author, psychoanalytic researcher, and journalist, Viorst has written numerous works in many genres.
Are you guilty of grandmother competition? If you are, you’re not alone. It comes with the territory in one of two forms. The first is competing with the “other” grandmother for the Most Adored Grandmother title and the second is competing with other grandmothers for the Most Extraordinary Grandchild.
“Competition for Most Adored Grandmother heats up when grandmothers compete for the affection of the same grandchildren,” writes Viorst. “Yes, fond though we may be of the other granny, and glad though we may be that she loves our grandchildren and resigned though we may be that they love her back, we are hoping they love us more—a whole lot more.”
She concludes by explaining that despite her competitiveness, she’s a decent person. “All of us competitive grandmothers wish we were far too secure and mature to allow ourselves to indulge in competitive grandmothering. But we’re not.” She’s also not above the other kind of grandmother competition—for Most Extraordinary Grandchild. Just give her a minute and she’ll tell you one last story about her Most Incredible granddaughter, Olivia.
Grandmother Competition Is Real
What’s your take on grandmother competition? I personally didn’t engage in competition with my grandchildren’s “other” grandparents. But then I had the edge on two fronts. I’m the maternal grandmother and I live closer than the other long-distance grandparents. However, I am definitely guilty of using every superlative I can think of to brag about my Incredibly Talented grandchildren because they truly are!
The topic is so pervasive among grandmothers I’ve written two other posts on this topic: It’s Not a Competition with the Other Grandma and Grandma Competition Is Universal.
H Donne….This is an interesting subject, but at this point its moot for us. All the grandparents are either deceased (two this past year from one pair). Two gone together in 2006, and one step is divorce from the only other grandpa who is 90 and lives in the southen hemisphere, without much English….. so esssentially the competition is nil. Which actually puts all the emphasis on us ( or burden and expectations).
However I vividly remember taking our eldest grand (age about 3) to a flea market in Panama where she asked me to buy her a little purse —- I knew she already had several –so I said no! To which Sami said to me, “My Ita (other grandma) would buy it for me.” Clever girl! – she’d learned how to manipulate by the time she was turning 3- Alas, she’ll turn 30 this year and still is quite good at manipulation in her career as well as otherwise. Hopefully, her wonderful intended won’t let her do that to him.