Do grandmas have FOMO?
FOMO, or Fear of Missing Out, is the pervasive apprehension that others might be having rewarding experiences and you’re not part of them. This social angst is characterized by a desire to stay continually connected with what others are doing — especially through social media.
The first paper on FOMO, was written in 2000 by a marketing strategist named Dan Herman, but the concept took many years to gestate. Now, after a long incubation period, FOMO is back in the headlines. Boston Magazine did a story about the origins of FOMO and stated that about 70 percent of all adults in developed countries suffer from the creepy, sometimes all-consuming feeling that something’s happening and they’re not a part of it.
According to Caterina Fake, entrepreneur and creator of Flickr, FOMO is what happens everywhere on a typical Saturday night, when you’re trying to decide if you should stay in, or muster the energy to go to the party. If you didn’t know that party was going on, you’d be home contentedly reading your latest New Yorker. But since you do, you hungrily watch each new tweet or Facebook update.
Grandma FOMO
I think grandmas had FOMO long before the term was coined back in 2000. When I interviewed grandmas for my book, When Being a Grandma Isn’t So Grand: 4 Keys to L.O.V.E. Your Grandchild’s Parents, they told me that missing out on their grandchildren’s lives was one of their biggest fears.
FOMO creates genuine angst for long-distance grandmas who fear they won’t be able to develop a bond with their grandchildren because they don’t get to spend time with them in person. They know there are holidays, birthdays, important milestones and school events they’re missing out on and wish they could be there to share these special occasions with their grandchildren.
That fear intensifies for most grandmas when our grandchildren become pre-teens and teenagers. I confess to having FOMO myself when I see all my daughter’s Facebook posts about my granddaughters’ activities. Now that the girls are 9 and almost 13, I’ve learned to accept that their lives are expanding and I’m just one part of their ever-broadening circle.
How to Manage FOMO
One of the best solutions for long-distance grandmas who have FOMO is to establish a regular Skype call with your grandchild and his parents. A creative grandma friend of mine who lives in a different time zone than her grandson has been Skyping with him since he was an infant. She sends him a “birthday in a box” and asks the parents to let her grandson open it during their Skype call so she can see his reaction in real time.
Another way to manage FOMO is to focus on the other parts of your life that bring you joy and satisfaction. Surround yourself with friends who admire and respect you. Find a passion that engages you and brings you fulfillment. I know one grandma who was rejected by her son’s family. She found solace by volunteering as a “baby cuddler” in the neonatal unit at her local Children’s Hospital. She says it’s the most rewarding work she’s ever done and experiences such a warm feeling knowing she’s helped an innocent baby toward the healing process.
As we get older, our own energy level helps us have a more discerning attitude about what is truly important and worth doing versus what is merely desirable. We’re able to eliminate some of the things that don’t contribute to the deepening of the quality of our life experiences.
When you feel yourself experiencing FOMO, try to think about something you’re grateful for and savor that moment. FOMO is fear of not having something that is necessary for our well being. Gratitude allows us to count the blessings in our life right now, in this moment, where life is actually going on. Take the time to thoroughly take pleasure in the sensory delights you encounter and cultivate the fine art of savoring the tastes, sights, and other sensations that you encounter in your daily life.
FOMO for me is really strangling. As my grandchildren get older I look for ways to keep them in my life and try to understand that right now I am not the most important person in theirs.
To help myself I have arranged to see my grandchildren at least by-monthly. I take them out for a movie, dinner or shopping. I have 8 grandchildren ranging from one year to twenty-one years who don’t all live around each other so I have to take them individually in most cases. Right now it is working.