Do you have a grandchild you’d like to impact with words of affirmation and encouragement?
Jody Noland, author of Leave Nothing Unsaid believes it’s essential we tell our loved ones what they mean to us in a letter. Your letter can be an anchor for your grandchild for the rest of their life. We can never underestimate the power our affirming words can make. It’s a simple act with a powerful impact.
Jody has been sharing her message for over a decade. The seed was planted 25 years ago when she visited a friend who was about to have brain surgery. On the night before his surgery, he wrote a letter to each of his three children. He told them how much he loved them and what he thought was so special about each of them in case he didn’t make it through the surgery. He did survive the surgery but only lived nine more months.
Around the same time, two of Jody’s friends died suddenly. What she observed about the three families who’d lost loved ones made a lasting impression on her. The family of her friend who wrote letters to his three children felt so comforted by his letters while the other two families were bereft.
As Jody told her friends about the impact of the letters, they all thought it was such a powerful idea but said they couldn’t do that because they weren’t writers and they wouldn’t know where to start.
After September 11, she thought about all the people who’d lost loved ones and how a letter would have been comforting to those who were grieving. She was motivated to take action and put together a format that would help people write affirming letters to their loved ones.
At the time, her daughter was in middle school so she assembled some parents from the school to present the idea. She suggested they put the letter away with their will for safekeeping. One of the moms in the group asked: “Why would you wait?” Jody thought about her comment and realized she was absolutely right. There was no reason to wait because everyone is desperate for encouragement.
She put together a workbook called “Leave Nothing Unsaid” and started sharing it with groups. Now she offers workshops to many different kinds of groups on how to write affirming letters to people they love.
Memories fade, but ink lasts!
Appreciation vs. Affirmation
The difference between appreciation and affirmation is the outcome. When we appreciate someone, we’re thanking them for what they’ve done for us. When we affirm someone, we’re telling them the things that make them so unique. We can see qualities in our grandchildren that they can’t see about themselves. We can reinforce those qualities when we affirm them.
Why Does It Matter
Our affirming words can change the trajectory of another person’s life. As an example, she told the story of her father who was on the commercial track in high school during the Depression. His chemistry teacher asked him why he wasn’t going to college since he was so adept in the sciences. That teacher changed her father’s life. He majored in chemistry, went to college, and eventually earned a Ph.D. in chemical engineering. He spent his entire career as a professor and dean at the U.S. Naval Academy in Annapolis and influenced thousands of students. After her dad died, she found a hand-written note from his chemistry teacher: “A remembrance for my ‘chief chemist’ of last year. I hope you try hard to get into school somewhere.”
Life is hard. Most of us are well-versed in what’s wrong with us but not so much about what’s right with us. When the hard winds of life hit, we can re-read a letter and feel comforted. In one of Jody’s recent workshops, a woman shared a letter from her grandmother she kept folded up in her wallet. The woman said she couldn’t count the number of times she’d read her grandmother’s letter over the years. Her grandmother died recently at the age of 106. The woman took Jody’s workshop to learn how to write a letter so she could be the same kind of encourager her grandmother was.
Life is fragile. Don’t put off writing those letters because you never know when you might lose someone.
Here are the benefits of a letter:
- can be read and re-read
- reminds the treasured of your love for them
- reinforces their greatest strengths and gifts
- provides a lasting source of encouragement
- casts a vision for their future
- shares your hopes, prayers, dreams for their life
Jody has written letters to her daughter since the day she was born. She wrote her thoughts on post-it notes and saved them in a folder. As her daughter’s birthday approached, she’d pull out her notes and write the letter. She saved all the letters thinking there would someday be a “right time” to give them to her. When her daughter was a teenager, she started giving her the letters but also kept a copy in her own file.
The year her daughter turned 20, she took a year off from school to volunteer in an orphanage in Uganda. Since her daughter would be in Uganda on her birthday, Jody decided to give her a bound notebook of all the letters she’d written over the past 20 years. She wrapped up the notebook and put it in her daughter’s suitcase before she left. She told her to open it on her birthday. Jody’s daughter told her she couldn’t even count the number of times she read those letters — especially when she felt homesick.
3 Essential Parts of a Letter
Section 1: Share your perspective
- What it has meant to you to be their parent or grandparent
- Summarize your love and affection for them
Section 2: Affirm their uniqueness
- What is unique and wonderful about them?
- Character qualities, personality traits, temperament
- God-given gifts and talents
- What warms your heart about them?
- A special memory that highlights their uniqueness
- Use a word picture to illustrate if possible
Section 3: Share your hopes and dreams
- Wishes and hopes you have for their life
- Encouragement for their spiritual journey
- Final words of wisdom (“Always remember this …”)
Final Do’s and Don’ts
- Don’t apologize in the letter because they’ll be reminded of the hurt every time they re-read it.
- Don’t use it as a forum to correct – keep it positive.
- Even if it’s just a few sentences put it in writing.
- Be intentional.
- Your letter can be typed or handwritten but be sure to sign it.
You can purchase Leave Nothing Unsaid on Jody’s website — https://www.leavenothingunsaid.com/
