Do you remember the good old days when we walked to school, played in the street with the other kids in the neighborhood, and took the bus by ourselves? I remember it well and my kids do, too. But not my granddaughters and most of their peers. They’re driven to and from school; they have scheduled play dates with their friends; and rarely, if at all, take public transportation.
Attitudes have changed over the past two generations and today’s young parents are obsessed with fears that we live in an unsafe world where kids are in constant danger of sex offenders and stranger abductions. “Worst-case scenario” thinking has become the norm, even among parents raising kids in affluent city neighborhoods or suburbs. That’s because a sensationalizing media, lawsuit-hungry attorneys, and companies shilling child safety and educational products amp up this “culture of fear.”
But a growing number of parents around the country are advocating for free play and the “Free-Range Kids” philosophy. One father has even come up with a brand new concept to help parents overcome their “helicopter parenting.” Mike Lanza, author of Playborhood: Turn Your Neighborhood Into a Place for Play, says that for most American children, activities that involve neighborhood play without adult supervision are simply not possible. So he came up with the concept of “playborhoods” — blocks of suburban or city streets where kids can roam and find fun things to do close to home.
When Lanza’s first son was born in 2004, he wasn’t worried about whether his son would have an inferior education or live in an unsafe world. He was terrified that he wouldn’t have a happy childhood like the one he remembered — building a tree-house in a friend’s backyard and wading in a creek on a friend’s farm.
Because those childhood experiences were fundamental to his emotional and social growth, he knew he wanted to provide a similar experience for his son’s childhood. He transformed his 7,500-square-foot front and backyards into the neighborhood hangout, complete with a playhouse, “play river” and in-ground trampoline. As kids from up and down the block came by to explore, a new sense of community was born.
In order for kids to become problem solvers, decision makers, leaders and entrepreneurs, says Lanza, kids need to make their own decisions. The upside of free-range living is that doing something as simple as getting themselves to a friend’s house or to the park helps kids build confidence and independence.
Unfortunately, it’s become socially suspect for parents to let their kids venture off too much on their own, says Lenore Skenazy, founder of Free Range Kids. Skenazy was dubbed “the worst mom in America” seven years ago when she let her then 9-year old find his own way home on a New York subway using a map, transit card and $20.
Today’s parents insist on arranging play dates for their children rather than allowing the kids to learn to handle their own social lives by inviting friends over to play. They are also so worried about their kids’ futures they feel it’s necessary to book them up with activities that will supposedly boost their academic success.
Not only is it unnecessary, but there’s also a downside to our culture of fear: Kids are spending too many hours with screen time — on TV, computers, video games — and in adult-sponsored activities.
Free play is a “fundamental building block of a healthy, successful life,” says Lanza. As a parent, he thinks it’s important for his sons to learn self-reliance, which comes from taking risks, trying things and having adventures, even if they happen in their own neighborhood.
“It used to be that parents would brag among themselves, ‘Oh, my kid can walk to school or go to the store and bring home a carton of milk.’ Some parents now don’t care about that at all,” he says. “We’ll end up with young adults who don’t know how to cope in the world. But if we build kids’ self-c0nfidence that they are able to do things, they’ll be a lot happier.”
[Note: This blog post is a summary of an article by Martha Ross in the San Jose Mercury News.]
I am so glad you wrote this article. I am hoping we are swinging back to common sense and less helicoptering with our children. Yes, Half Moon Bay is a small town but I believe others can find a way for kids to play open ended in ways where you live. My 2 yr old grandson walks from his house next door to mine…at all hours, lol. He has figured out gates. Fortunately the one to the pool is too high for anyone under 9 yrs old.
My daughters have always been ‘free range mommies’..even in Burlingame. It reminds me of my childhood. We stayed and played until that mom called you for dinner. We had so much amazing creative play back then.
Fight for the right to play with some freedom.