Why is it that whenever you tell someone about your illness or loss, they always respond with their own story? Greeting card writer and designer Emily McDowell knows why … it’s because they don’t understand empathy. (I’ve written a lot about empathy and it’s not about sharing your own story — it’s about listening to the other person’s story.)
McDowell’s new line of empathy cards has hit a nerve with people who are tired of platitudes and false cheer — because her cards offer neither. Instead, they are funny, honest and many times poke fun at the platitudes people so often reach for when they are scared.
McDowell writes from personal experience. She said many of her friends disappeared when she was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma at 24 years old.
She was the first person among her friends who’d been sick. The only people they knew who were sick were the grandparents of someone much older. So she thought her friends didn’t care. What she discovered was that people were afraid and had no idea what to say.
And when people did say things, the stories often made McDowell feel worse.
She remembers someone leaving her a voice mail saying: “Hey, you know, we had a family friend who had cancer this week. So I was thinking about you.” While she says she appreciated the caller trying to relate, it didn’t help.
McDowell says our culture does a really bad job of preparing anyone to talk about illness or death or really hard things. She always knew she wanted to do something about that by creating empathy cards.
After McDowell went into remission, she rose through the ranks of the advertising world until, at age 34, she decided to quit — after her best friend, Amy, died of cancer. That was a pivotal moment in her life. She decided to go freelance and find out if she could write greeting cards.
Two years ago, she wrote a Valentine and posted it on her online Etsy store. That card went viral, and her business was born. Last year she won the Rising Star Award at the 26th Annual International Greeting Card Awards.
With help from a post by best-selling author Brené Brown, McDowell began hearing from reporters all over the world.
McDowell’s own blog is filled with more than 600 comments from people thanking her for being honest about serious illness and loss. The words and the phrases are so powerful that people are now asking her to make specific cards for dealing with hurdles like Cystic Fibrosis, Alzheimer’s and even miscarriages.
McDowell is getting so much feedback from people that the cards are actually making a difference in their lives. She’s honored that she has found a way to help people during trying times. “This is a way for us to relate and laugh about it and talk about it. I think that’s really wonderful. It’s really cool.”
[This blog post is a summary of an NBC Nightly News story by reporter Anne Thompson.]
