Grandparenting on Purpose

For Winn Egan, grandparenting is a calling. Married to his late wife, Linda for 53 years, he has four married children and 22 grandchildren ranging in age from 12 to 30 years old. He describes his family as “colorful” and explained that his oldest son, Daniel, and his wife, Kristin, have eight children – three biological and five adopted from Haiti.

Full of boundless energy, Winn admits to being “over-the-top” when it comes to building connections and traditions with his grandchildren. He began his PowerPoint by donning a hat he’d made on a family vacation. Each family member designed their own hat to signify their togetherness as they went to the beach every day. “The hats gave us a sense of identity — of who we were and why we were there.”

His content-rich presentation came alive as he included photos and sample birthday letters and texts he’d written to his grandchildren. It was an inspiring show-and-tell that made two GaGas ask if he would adopt them and be their grandpa.

Winn acknowledged that his late wife, Linda was the “genius behind the enterprise and their book Grandparenting on Purpose.” Though she grew up with an alcoholic father, her grandmother Rhoda made her feel safe and loved by listening and supporting her as she grew up. Winn wanted to help us each create our own unique grandparenting style.

Grandparenting on Purpose

Purposeful grandparenting is:

• focused and intentional in forming and sustaining positive relationships with our grandchildren and their parents
• discovering what their needs are and how we make a difference in their lives by being deliberate and purposeful in our actions
• getting to know each grandchild’s needs and wants and remembering that the conduit to our grandchildren is their parents

Winn asked us to think about one of our grandchildren as we answered these questions:

• What are your grandchild’s strengths?
• What are your grandchild’s most important needs right now?
• What are your grandchild’s immediate challenges?
• What does your grandchild thoroughly enjoy doing with you?
• What are your grandchild’s current passions?
• What are your grandchild’s aspirations?
• What is one thing you could do to bring some joy into your grandchild’s life?

Research shows that having at least one significant supportive adult in your life can make a difference in your happiness as a child, youth, or young adult. And that person can be YOU!

As a grandparent, you need to:

• Truly listen without hurrying
• Help your grandchild discover what they’re good at by affirming their talent
• Be there for the long term – maintain your interest in both the important and not so important events
• Be there in times of uncertainty and pain

How to Develop Your Unique Grandparenting Style

Consider the following questions to help develop your own grandparenting style:

• What are your 3 greatest strengths as a grandmother?
• How would you like to grow as a grandmother?
• What do you know about forming and sustaining positive relationships with your grandchildren?
• What do you know about your grandchild’s and their parents’ needs?
• How can you be more purposeful and intentional in providing activities for your grandchildren?
• What is one behavior you’d like to change in yourself?

Connecting with Grandchildren

Grandparenting is all about laying down connective tissue between you and your grandchild. He showed several examples:

• Grandma and Jake Book – a correspondence and drawings between Grandma Linda and Jake from 2003 when Jake was five years old that captured what was happening in his life at the time
• Timely and targeted texting to older grandchildren – encourage them and say “I miss you.”
• Well-timed phone calls – “I was thinking of you”
• Postcards – bring labels with your grandchild’s address and send a brief note about the place you’re visiting
• Birthday letters – He’s written over 500 letters – his prized gifts – that praise their special qualities, compliment them on the past year, and mention something they’ll experience next year. One granddaughter asked Winn to give her a binder with all the letters when she gets married.
• Birthday accolades and tributes traditions – monthly birthday dinners with all the grandchildren who write tributes to the birthday child from their cousins
• Congratulate, support, and sustain your grandchildren in their activities by asking parents to send you photos of the children playing their sports

One-on-One: The Ultimate Gift

In 2018, the family took a Colorado River Trip with a 4-hour car ride to the river. Winn asked his son if his grandson, Davidson could drive with him so they could have some one-on-one time to connect more deeply. The two bonded over that trip because of the time just the two of them spent together.

All the grandchildren look forward to many Egan fun family traditions where the kids feel safe, they can be themselves, they know what to expect, they learn about other family members, and they learn social skills. They also have the opportunity to see older married cousins who are role models and have their own families.

• Annual Grinch Dinner with all green food
• Egan Family Turkey Bowl on Thanksgiving morning with flag football followed by a group photo
• Prom Night Dinners for the high school-aged grandchildren and their dates who prepare steak dinners together
• Christmas Car Races – each person picks a “pull back” car that Winn orders from Amazon, writes their name and birth year on the car then they have a double-elimination bracket for the races. Afterward, they have dinner and go to a movie.
• Devotionals – to develop grit and character. They demonstrate with a story or examples such as comparing polished rocks to those found in the garden. Winn explains that polished rocks are like life – tumbled and tossed around just as you can be polished by challenged. It’s a way to build faith.

Winn Egan is a remarkably committed grandfather who has devoted his “senior” years to being fully engaged in his grandchildren’s lives. His personal mission and the goal of his book, Grandparenting on Purpose, is to share ideas, activities, and traditions that will inspire you to deeply connect with your grandchildren. You’ll also find many beautiful examples of letters he’s written to encourage his grandchildren’s talents, character, and resilience that you can tailor to your own grandchildren.