Jumping to Conclusions May Be Distorted Thinking

The other night I made the mistake of reading an email from a good friend right before I went to bed:

So…that was weird…and a surprise. Obviously you are very upset with me. I’m sad about that. You are a lovely woman and I respect and care about you. If you want to speak to me about what is troubling you, I will listen and respond honestly. Honesty is something I believe we have always shared. Take good care.

I had absolutely no idea what she was talking about and thought maybe she sent it to me by mistake. I was so puzzled I could not fall asleep. It was too late to call and ask her what she was talking about so I just had to wait until morning.

The following morning I reached her and asked if she could explain her perplexing email. She said she saw me walking a few days ago and waved to me but I didn’t wave back. She rolled down her window and called out my name several times and I still didn’t respond. She was certain that I had ignored her because I was upset with her.

“I’m not upset with you at all,” I explained. “In fact, I was thinking we should schedule a walk because it’s been awhile since our last one.” Then I remembered that I’d been listening to my iPod and had the volume up so loud I didn’t hear her calling my name! I  laughed so hard I couldn’t stop. She laughed too and said she felt a little silly that she’d jumped to that conclusion.

A few days later I was talking to another good friend who told me she is constantly reminding her 19-year old son not to get caught up in the negative thought processes she calls cognitive distortions. I’d never heard the term before so she explained. Cognitive distortions are ways that our mind convinces us of something that isn’t really true. These inaccurate thoughts are usually used to reinforce negative thinking or emotions—telling ourselves things that sound rational and accurate, but really only serve to keep us feeling bad about ourselves.

Aaron Beck first proposed the theory behind cognitive distortions and David Burns was responsible for popularizing it with common names and examples for the distortions. After doing some research, I found a list of 15 Common Cognitive Distortions explained by Dr. John M. Grohol, founder of Psych Central, one of the Internet’s largest and oldest independent mental health social networks.

My friend who sent me the mysterious email had gotten caught in the 4th most common cognitive distortion: Jumping to Conclusions.

Without individuals saying so, we know what they are feeling and why they act the way they do. In particular, we are able to determine how people are feeling toward us. For example, a person may conclude that someone is reacting negatively toward them and doesn’t actually bother to find out if they are correct.

To her credit she did try to find out if she was correct. But she’s not alone in her distorted thinking. We all have our moments when we assume something that’s not true, or engage in polarized thinking, or catatrophize, to name a few more cognitive distortions.

So how do we change this kind of behavior? According to Grohol, we need to learn how to correctly identify this kind of “stinkin’ thinkin’,” and then answer the negative thinking back, and refute it. By refuting the negative thinking over and over again, it will slowly diminish over time and be automatically replaced by more rational, balanced thinking. This is what my friend is doing with her son and it’s a practice we could all benefit from when our minds start playing tricks on us.