If you were in the vicinity of our GaGa Sisterhood meeting last Sunday, you would have heard lots of laughter, and possibly seen steam rising from the house, as we all enjoyed a major “venting” session! Our topic was “When Being a Grandma Isn’t So Grand.” Our facilitator opened the discussion by saying: “Sometimes being a grandma isn’t all milk and cookies!”
Twenty grandmas each took a turn sharing their biggest challenges. Most of our challenges fell in the category of relationships with our adult children, our daughter- or son-in-law, the “other” grandparent, or step-grandparents. Another big challenge was dividing our time and resources fairly among our grandchildren and their parents.
One grandma simply said: “I have more challenges than we have time for today!” Later she elaborated and said she’s only allowed to buy organic clothes for her grandchildren and her daughter-in-law does not appreciate all of her efforts to stay in touch long-distance. More than one grandma mentioned the need to “walk on eggshells” when saying anything for fear it will be misinterpreted as judgmental.
Competition with the “other” grandma came up frequently. One grandma said she’s worked out an agreement: the “other” grandma, who’s very creative, does all the fun arts and crafts projects while she buys all the grandchildren’s clothes. There was even a pair of grandmas in the group who alternate babysitting for their granddaughter once a week. We didn’t come up with very many solutions, but we all felt better knowing that we were not alone.
We did all agree on one thing: the best part of being a grandma is having our grandchildren to ourselves!
What a great idea for a session! It’s needed by so many grandmothers. In the Grandparents Forum on my website, I get letters that will break your heart. Thank goodness, most people have grandparenting problems that are relatively minor, as it sounds as if most of the problems aired in your session were. But even those minor problems can be serious if they get in the way of grandma time!
Boy, do I relate to the feelings about competing with the ‘other’ grandma! I think the underlying fear/concern is that our grandchild will not love us as much as the other grandma. Why can’t we feel secure in this area?